Verbal Burble

Touching Reflection

2011-10-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

Penelope wasn't certain this Petting Zoo Training program fit the description she'd read on the brochure. Cold hands. Hayfever. That stinky boy standing next to her.

Smudge

2011-10-02T15:54:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel like a fly caught between two panes of glass.

Little Stanley Steamer

2011-10-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

You got somethin nasty on your carpet, Dude.

Kinda milky, sour-like. Gross, yet I'm hungry again.

Thank a Firefighter

2011-09-11T05:00:00.000-07:00

It's always life or death.

What's Your Sign?

2011-09-10T05:00:00.000-07:00

What do you mean someone put up a "Do not feed the animals" sign? I would like a personal consultation with the person who put up that sign. I'd like to educate them on the fine art of special dietary requirements.

Antique shopping

2011-09-09T05:00:00.000-07:00

Great-great-grandma's

hand crocheted 150-year old

yum-yum.

Fashion Diva

2011-09-08T05:00:00.000-07:00

Never has the Brown Carpet been so classically adorned as when Llarissa stepped out of her limo for photos. However, she's spent so much time with her hair dresser that she forgot all about getting a pedicure. She was certain to make all the tabloids for "worst" something.

What are Friends For?

2011-09-07T05:00:00.000-07:00

You got it all out of there.
Work on that mouth stuff.
You could use a TicTac.
Get away from me.

A Little Smooch

2011-09-06T05:00:00.000-07:00

For my friend Cindy.

You're not the only gnome lover.

Chilled

2011-09-05T11:59:00.000-07:00

It was too cold to get out of bed this morning.

Camera Shy

2011-08-23T05:00:00.000-07:00

I'm just a puppy. I need my sleep.

Stop takin' pittures.

Bozo

2011-08-22T05:00:00.001-07:00

I don't know how teachers do it, but they can identify the class clown just minutes into class the first day of school. Remarkable intuition.

Don't Go!

2011-08-21T07:49:00.000-07:00

Tiny understood the importance of school. He graduated 35th in his puppy training class out of 35. He didn't want the woman he owned to leave him. He'd grown used to having her home and attending to him all day. She was leaving him. As long as she couldn't reach the phone to call 9-1-1, he'd cuddle with her all day.

Cattle Call

2011-08-20T05:00:00.000-07:00

6 a. m. and all is well!

Leaps and Bounds

2011-08-19T07:45:00.000-07:00

Marcel has a great time on the outdoor trampoline now that the kids were away for the day at school.

Meet Jeeves

2011-08-18T07:38:00.000-07:00

HI!

Play?

Here We Go Again

2011-08-17T07:33:00.000-07:00

Mrs. Waddlebottom got her faculty school picture taken for the 61st time since starting this profession. Despite all the new fangled terminology, she still called her class "home ec."

Splish Splash

2011-08-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

Butch's only satisfaction was that it took two grown up people to hold him down for the bath. Two more people stood watching to catch and dry. He would wait until they were all asleep. It would be glorious.

Stanley Is a Sissy.

2011-08-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

Stanley was mortified. He told the woman he owned not to kiss him, hug him, or speak to him at the bus stop. There was a great deal of pressure to be cool the first day of school. Otherwise, you spent the rest of the year being teased by "mommy" kissy kissy and being a sissy momma's boy. He was doomed. Recess and lunch would be brutal.

One More Time

2011-08-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

Dustin' off the old books.

The wheels on the bus go round and round.

Snow Bird?

2011-08-13T05:26:00.000-07:00

It's so important to exfoliate and use a sunscreen.

Newborn Maltese Pup

2011-08-12T05:00:00.000-07:00

I am so in love with puppy paws.

What's Up?

2011-08-11T11:05:00.000-07:00

Apartment living can be a pain, especially when you have a noisy upstairs neighbor.

Cat Scratch

2011-08-10T05:01:00.000-07:00

I don't care if it doesn't go with your living room furniture, I don't want the scratching post, I want this box. And, when did you become Martha Stewart anyway?

Cycle Safety

2011-08-09T10:32:00.000-07:00

You know how there are things that you never really notice until something happens to make you notice them?

Did you know there is a bicycle tire-sized trench all around the rim of all manhole covers?

Joshua was suddenly enlightened to these two truths. Those and that it is much more fun to fly than it is to land.

Look Before You Leap

2011-08-08T04:52:00.000-07:00

COWABUNGA!

Get it Out! Get it Out!

2011-08-07T04:48:00.000-07:00

Everyone thought she was doing water aerobics, but Muffin was scared to death of June bugs and this one was still alive in the pool. It was icky.

Bagged

2011-08-06T04:43:00.000-07:00

The woman he owned accused Sollie of being a bottomless pit. He didn't know what that meant. All he knew was that he was hungry all the time.

2011-08-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

Hi, Mrs. Barkenstein.

Can Murry come outside and play?

Bogart Impersonator

2011-08-04T06:36:00.000-07:00

Here's looking at you, kid.

Whut?

2011-08-03T06:32:00.000-07:00

The heat was getting to everyone.

Mish Mash

2011-08-02T05:22:00.000-07:00

We ain't tainted, Turkey. Well, except for Louise over there.Wait, that's not tainted, that's tanked. She hoards the feed corn and has a still out back. Yeah, my comb is crooked on top. According to the pecking order here, I had to make certain Louise was making pure Shine.

Tiny Tots Cheerleader Camp

2011-08-01T05:00:00.000-07:00

Gimme an "I."

A Handful

2011-07-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

PUT ME DOWN NOW!

I Think Therefore I Can

2011-07-30T05:00:00.000-07:00

Spanky found that sometimes he had to be his own cheerleader.

I Only Have Eyes For Me

2011-07-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

Like all new contact lens wearers, Carlotta thought if she blinked they would pop out. Still, she looked hot.

Live with It

2011-07-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

Zip don't give a rip.

Water Watching

2011-07-27T05:00:00.000-07:00

Cleavon thought lifeguarding at the local pool would be like "Baywatch." It wasn't.

Party Crasher

2011-07-26T10:48:00.000-07:00

Bonita spent her summer crashing family picnics at the local parks. She simply told everyone she was the "Old Bat" that Uncle Lucas always referred to.

Predatory Plants

2011-07-26T01:50:00.000-07:00

I sprayed sections of my white siding with chlorine to get

rid of the algae growing on it. It was a real chore.

Disturbing Flashbacks

2011-07-18T05:50:00.000-07:00

Got a total knee replacement this summer. Had a
bit of a rapid heartbeat during the recovery room when I
woke up. Can't imagine why that happened.

You're as Young as You Feel

2011-07-18T05:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know what happened either. I still feel like a puppy, but I woke up looking old.

Snooze

2011-03-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

Bruno didn't care if anyone
made fun of him with his
cuddle ape.

There's nothing like a nap
on a Sunday afternoon.

Women's NCAA Basketball

2011-03-20T15:05:00.000-07:00

GO DUKE !!!!

Driving

2011-03-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

Octavia didn't mind carpooling, but she looked forward to Spring Break when she could send the kids to Disneyland with the grandparents.

Shopping Day

2011-03-01T12:12:00.000-08:00

And be sure to get those little soft nummies in the foil pouches. I'm just about out of that canned stuff with fish in it. Don't get that cheap stuff with the mystery meat. I hate that. Let's just say that wasn't a hairball I left on the living room rug two days ago. oooooooooo I need more catnip, too. I LOVE catnip. Get it in toy. Yellow. About the size of a volleyball.

You're not writing this down. Maybe I should go with you.

Tilt

2011-02-28T11:35:00.000-08:00

Sometimes my center of gravity isn't in the center.

Just Ducky

2011-02-27T05:00:00.000-08:00

Scrubbing Bubbles seen on a microscopic level.

Nuts

2011-02-26T11:49:00.000-08:00

Will this snow ever end?

I'm losing landmarks for all my buried treasures.

And I think I'm getting a head cold.

Unearthed

2011-02-26T11:18:00.000-08:00

I been working like a dog.

Diggin myself in deeper

and deeper in every day.

Finally, somebody turned

the hose on me.

I'm back.

Time to play!!!!

Sun Screen

2010-11-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

Carmine was so concerned about premature aging of her skin that she sheltered herself from the blazing noon sun. As an Avon Lady, she had to look her youthful best.

After Birthing

2010-11-27T15:52:00.000-08:00

The Seagrin Otter family had a great time during Thanksgiving. Grandma Otternanna loved having all the kids home, but no one seemed to want to leave. They were never going to leave. Ever.

Dessert

2010-11-26T16:09:00.000-08:00

Sammy wasn't born yesterday.

This was not the cheesecake he ordered.

Horsepower

2010-07-02T06:31:00.000-07:00

Historical picture of the original Enterprise Rental Car.

Road Trip

2010-06-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? I have to pee.

Ageless

2010-06-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

A little girl working at a restaurant called me, "Hon." I was eating my meal

and noticed that she had given me the Senior Discount.

I couldn't be more thrilled.

Face It

2010-06-22T12:12:00.000-07:00

I think I'll call him, "Klutzy."

He's just like his father.

Geeko

2010-06-05T04:12:00.000-07:00

Now that school was out, Harold had to find another job. He didn't really like being a pencil topper, but the pay was good and he enjoyed being with the kids. All of his friends thought that he was a nerd. They worked in the business world selling insurance.

Smoochies

2010-06-02T14:52:00.000-07:00

Bye, kids. Have a safe and playful summer.

Memorial Day

2010-05-31T05:34:00.000-07:00

I remember!

Fetchin'

2010-05-30T08:29:00.000-07:00

Good boy!

Quit laughing

and say

"Good boy."

The Babysitter

2010-05-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

What cat?

We don't see no stinkin' kitten.

Ditch Digger

2010-05-25T05:00:00.000-07:00

Yep, I dug it.

Yep, I'm stuck in it.

Cash Cow

2010-05-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

Harvey worked for Clyde Collision Body Shop. He and his friends were the source of all door dings.

Digit

2010-04-29T05:00:00.000-07:00

What's with this guy and his pointer finger?

Is National Geographic hiring hand models now?

Ewww. It smells like lizard and pygmy marmoset. I'm a vegan, you know! Get that away from me.

Pointer

2010-04-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

Evidently, I'm Number One!

Face Plant

2010-04-27T12:49:00.000-07:00

Collin was out minding his own business

when this finger bit him in the face.

He hated it when that happened.

Plead Your Case

2010-04-26T15:50:00.000-07:00

I'm loyal, devoted, brave. I've given you the best years of my life times seven. I fetch for you. I'm here, right now, doing tricks for you. I love you, man.

I'm down here. Stop lookin' at the stupid cows, man.

They're making fun of me, aren't they?

Chocoholic

2010-04-22T15:40:00.000-07:00

Marvin finally took care of all that

extra Easter candy he had laying

around the house.

The Fiend

2010-04-21T15:36:00.000-07:00

"I'm just not Chipper without my morning cup of Joe."

-Chipper, the Chipmunk

Sandy

2010-04-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

When the bullies on the playground told Sandy to go flip sand, he found that he really enjoyed it.

Dog Dilemma

2010-04-19T15:26:00.000-07:00

If I move, the cat wins.

On the other hand, if I don't move, the cat wins.

I can't believe this furball cougher upper

never went to puppy school.

Take a Hike

2010-04-18T15:17:00.000-07:00

Stanley was a fast learner, but he couldn't figure out what all the dogs at PetSmart found so interesting about this tree. He didn't want to seem uncool, so he hiked his leg like they did, but evidently the saddle weighed more than he thought and he tipped over. It took the fire department twenty minutes to get him on his feet. They removed the oxygen mask when he got his color back after having the air knocked out of him.

Still, he doesn't get the tree attraction. It must be a canine sort of thing.

Soliloquy

2010-04-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

Alas, poor What'sHisName, I knew him well.

Doing the Wave

2010-04-16T15:02:00.000-07:00

Hey, guy in the Gilligan hat!
How ya doin', big man.
Nice socks. That black is awesome with sandals.
Wave at me.
Wave at me.
There you go, goofball.
Your wife must be so proud.
Oh yeah, smooth move, Leibowitz.
Piece of yarn.
Elmer's glue.
Costs: Free.
I'll retire from zoo show business with my camera lense collection. Thanks.
Have a nice day.
That gorilla is going to love that hat for his collection.

I Know

2010-04-15T14:59:00.000-07:00

Bill: Ant no sunshine when you're gone.

Toothpick Tricks

2010-04-14T14:52:00.000-07:00

Hey, Dude. I wasn't like gonna say something because we're like buds and stuff, but you got some nasty green thing between your bottom teeth.

No man, like the other side. Okay, Dude, since you had all that green stuff all over your tongue, now you got more where that other one was and some on the other side where you started on the wrong side.

Dude, go get a drink or something. That's gross.

Childish

2010-04-13T14:49:00.000-07:00

I'm a little teapotshort and stout.

Here is my handle.

Where is my chiropractor?

Polished

2010-04-12T05:19:00.000-07:00

Clevon loved the teenage girl he owned. He made a lot of sacrifices to keep her happy.

Hugs and Kisses

2010-04-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

Why is this kid spitting on my head?

Get her away from me.

I mean . . . ah . . . never mind.

I'm in love.

SuperDude

2010-04-10T07:48:00.000-07:00

Like you don't have a supersuit that you wear all the time.

Bunny Fuzz

2010-04-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

Easter Bunny Tips:

Blue Peeps are the gateway to Yellow Peeps addiction.

You can melt a chocolate rabbit and drink it.

Never give a child a live bunny for Easter

Don't eat the plastic eggs.

Spring Cleaning

2010-04-03T14:45:00.000-07:00

I got a lot done over break.

My chore completion list?

Musta misplaced that.

Maybe I put it out with the trash.

That's it. I be tidy.

Spring Break

2010-03-31T14:42:00.000-07:00

Great to see the sun.

Be back soon.

Chewing Out

2010-03-17T15:39:00.000-07:00

mmmsphppmpmmpphhhhhh

mmmppmmppphhpppphhhh

Okay, Mommie, I won't do it again.

Dog Down

2010-03-08T17:07:00.000-08:00

Monday always takes it out of me.

Dining In

2010-03-07T17:01:00.000-08:00

You gonna eat that or what?

Hypnostuff

2010-03-06T16:55:00.000-08:00

Look into my eyes.

You are not getting sleepy.

You feel like taking me for a walk.

You feel like getting me a treat.

You feel like you might even try to be alpha dog.

I am your master.

You are not buying this? (sigh) I should never have cooperated during those puppy training sessions at PetSmart.

Security System Tester

2010-03-04T07:06:00.000-08:00

Nice fence.

Nice try.

Time Out

2010-03-02T06:58:00.000-08:00

Collin was a bad dog. He dumped trash all over the living room. When the woman he owned told him to take a time out in a chair, he improvised. He was doing his best to train her, but he didn't think her breed was very bright. Still, he loved her anyway.

Optical Illusion

2010-03-01T06:48:00.000-08:00

Bug!

Oh hey, new flooring. When did they put that in? Looks nice, especially those darker brown spots. Nice choice.

I think I pulled a muscle.

Snow Shoes

2010-02-23T05:00:00.000-08:00

Yes, I think these are cute, too.

Now, GET 'EM OFF ME!

Executive Decision

2010-02-22T14:54:00.000-08:00

Lonnie got a lot of flack for not participating in the "Bring Your Human to Work" campaign. Lonnie's human was a slick young geek who put "Dragon Slayer Master" on his last resume. Lonnie worked hard to get promoted to the office manager. As one of his most important front line decisions, he decided that Homocyber Erectus should work further on his level twenty-seven play.

Intestinal Fortitude

2010-02-21T16:33:00.000-08:00

"Carlton, I know I heard something."

"You always manage to hear something in the middle of my deepest sleep. Why is that?"

"Maybe because something is out there."

"I don't see anything. I'm going back to bed."

"It was really loud and echoed. You didn't hear it?"

"We live in a cave. Everything is loud and echos."

"There. There is was again. Did you hear that?

"I'm going back to bed."

"What is that awful smell? Carlton, it's really close by now."

"Muriel, go back inside. It was nothing."

"I heard it again. (she slaps him on the back of the head.) Carlton, you're such a pig!"

"What? Like that little lizard you ate is settling in your stomach. It's making you hear things. Muriel? I heard that! (heavy sigh) Boy, I wish I'd never installed that doggie door inside the cave. I'll spend the next week out here in the damp night air.

Winding Down

2010-02-20T18:07:00.000-08:00

Dog tard.

Plowed

2010-02-19T04:45:00.000-08:00

Are we really supposed to get more snow?

(Serious thanks to all the guys and gals who keep the roads cleared.)

Chipping In

2010-02-18T16:42:00.000-08:00

Sebastian was still new to the game. He practiced at home in front of the mirror all the time. During the real thing, he could never figure out how everyone at the poker table knew he was bluffing.

For the Dogs

2010-02-17T16:33:00.000-08:00

Lulie never ever ever wanted to grow up. She loved her toys and aside from waking up from naps and Cheerios, playtime was her favorite thing in the whole wide world.

Horsing Around

2010-02-16T16:23:00.000-08:00

Right foot on the tan circle?

Wrong game, Leon! And wrong foot.

Horse shoes?

Blue suede shoe how old are you?

Mother may I?

You're just being rude.

Big Wheels Keep on Turning

2010-02-15T16:20:00.000-08:00

Even when exercising, Hallie was a little behind.